the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
