Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
