finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
