Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
