Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
