so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
