I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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