the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
