I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
