wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..