Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.