Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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