her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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