Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
