i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
