Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
