I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
