I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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