just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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