just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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