yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
