At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
