I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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