I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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