yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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