Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
