I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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