Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
