There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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