By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
