If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
