ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
