actually, I'm a sock model
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
