Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
