I hope mine doesn't look like that
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
