if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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