For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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