i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
