My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
