he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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