My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
