I only kidnapped one of them. chill
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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