ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
