I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
