how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
