Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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