We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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