I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
