i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
