if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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