ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
