so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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