White coat. Heels.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
