dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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