Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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