it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
