They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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