So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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