There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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