I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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