I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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