he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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