I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize