I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
