Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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